What Happened to “Me” Time

Vibhu asked me the other day what my hobbies are. I started to answer, but then I stopped. I used to consider cycling and running my hobbies. But these days I only get out for short rides every couple of weeks, and running, well anything more than a 5k loop before Kaiya’s morning nap has all but disappeared. The more I thought about it, the more obvious it became that everything I do for pleasure these days somehow involved Kaiya. Afternoon walks that used to end up at a coffee shop now end up at the park. Writing, photography, and blogging that used to be about world issues, social justice, and travel now revolve solely around Kaiya.

Kaiya’s my little side-kick now and honestly I feel naked without her. But what about me? What happened to doing things that I enjoy, just because?

So I decided to make a list. A kind of bucket list of tangible things that I want to do for fun, in my everyday life. Just because.

• Yoga, cycling & running — on a whim, in the evenings, just me, no baby jogger. A bit of space to clear my head.
• Learn how to knit — Come winter, Chloe, I’m volunteering you to be my teacher.
• Grow my own food — since we don’t have a yard, for now my lone tomato plant, blueberry bush, and parsley will have to do. But one day I dream of rows and rows of vegetables, fruit trees, chickens, and goats.
• Watch a movie — this is a super simple one that should be easy to do, but when I sit down to watch a movie I find myself feeling guilty that I’m not being “productive.” This guilt-trip needs to go.
• REAL conversations that don’t revolve around babies — with a select group of friends, this is quite easy to do. But some of them have just moved away, so our numbers are dwindling. I crave adult conversations, political debates, I want to solve world problems over a glass of wine.

I’ve realized in writing this that a big part of the reason that all of our fun time as been thrown out the window is because we’ve been working so hard on Tutors Nirvana. Every evening is spent coding or testing. Most weekends we forgo hiking trips or day trips out to the beach so that Vibhu can make more progress. I know that it’s what we need to do so that we can eventually be location-independent, but in the here and now, it’s taken over our lives.

Now that Vibhu’s parents are here and we’ve got built-in babysitters, I’ve been able to get back into yoga. I’ve managed to squeeze in a few Bikram classes over the past week which I love, love, love. I feel so alive and rejuvenated after every class and I find myself craving for the next one. So while regular Bikram classes might not be possible once they leave, I’m making the most of it right now.

But without family around, how do other mom’s out there do it? How do you find time for you?